Since it’s October, I have a confession involving a costume. About 30 years ago, our church held a “Hallelujah Night” (in place of Halloween), and I completely forgot to plan a costume for my daughter. The other kids arrived dressed as Jonah, Noah, angels, and other Bible characters.
I stopped at Walgreens, bought a women’s cold cream face mask, plastered it on my daughter’s face, put her hair in curlers, and had her wear her bathrobe. I told her she was a housewife.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that was my solution. My daughter may have been the only child there whose costume came from the skin care aisle!
Thinking about that face mask got me thinking about the ones we wear around other people. We walk into church, someone asks how we’re doing, and we say, “Fine.” But underneath, we may be thinking, If one more thing happens, I’m going to fall apart.
Why We Hide What We’re Really Feeling
I think most of us have become pretty good at putting on a face.
We know how to smile when we’re hurting. We know how to answer “How are you?” without actually answering the question. We know how to keep moving, take care of everyone else, and show up even when something inside us feels like it is barely holding together.
Sometimes we hide because we don’t want people to worry. Sometimes we’re afraid of being judged or misunderstood. And sometimes we’ve simply learned to handle things on our own.
We may have convinced ourselves that being strong means not needing help.
But there is a difference between being strong and pretending we aren’t hurting.
There is also a difference between healthy privacy and isolation. We don’t owe everyone access to the deepest parts of our lives, but we do need safe people with whom we can be honest.
The Comparison Trap Makes Us Hide Even More
It’s easy to look at someone else’s highlight reel – the smiling pictures, the family celebrations, the good news – and assume everyone else is doing fine. Meanwhile, we know every hard detail of our own lives. No wonder we sometimes think we’re the only ones struggling.
We know what happened behind closed doors. We know the conversations no one else heard. We know the worries that keep us awake at night and the situations we don’t know how to fix.
But we don’t know what someone else is carrying.
The woman sitting beside you at church may be grieving. The friend posting beautiful family pictures may be walking through a difficult season. The woman who seems to have everything together may be quietly wondering how she’s going to keep holding everything together.
We simply don’t know.
And remembering that has made me more compassionate toward other people and toward myself. We are all carrying things that may not be visible from the outside.
What I Learned From Women Who Were Willing to Be Honest
This past week, I began my six-week workshop, Healing the Hurts We Don’t Talk About. Our first night was amazing. I asked the women to write on an index card one hurt, heartache, or worry they felt they had carried alone.
I was struck by what those cards held: divorce, abandonment, childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, worry about not being a good enough parent, betrayal by family members, and painful distance in relationships, among other things.
So much can be hidden behind a simple “I’m fine.”
These women had walked into the room carrying stories that weren’t visible on the outside. They had responsibilities, relationships, families, and lives that continued moving forward, but underneath all of that were hurts they had been carrying quietly.
And yet, there was something powerful about giving those hurts a name.
They didn’t have to solve everything that night. They didn’t have to explain every detail. They simply had a safe place to acknowledge, This is something I’ve been carrying.
Sometimes healing begins with that simple act of telling the truth.
God Sees What’s Beneath the Mask
If that sounds familiar, I want you to hear this: God sees the heartache you’ve carried alone. He knows what’s underneath the mask, and He walks beside you through it. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18).
I love that this verse doesn’t tell us God is close only when we’ve gotten ourselves together. He is close to the brokenhearted.
You don’t have to clean up your emotions before you come to God. You don’t have to find the perfect words or make your prayer sound beautiful.
You can simply tell Him the truth.
You can tell Him you’re afraid. You can tell Him you’re disappointed. You can tell Him you’re tired. You can tell Him you don’t understand.
He already knows what’s in your heart.
Prayer isn’t about giving God information He doesn’t have. It’s about opening our hearts to the One who already knows us completely and loves us anyway.
You Don’t Have to Carry Your Hurt Alone
We also heal in community. This month, I invite you to be honest with the Lord about the hurts, heartaches, or worries you feel you’re carrying alone. You don’t have to tidy them up before bringing them to Him. He will draw closer to you.
Then ask Him to show you a safe person or community you can begin to connect with as we do life together. Sometimes healing begins with the simple relief of being known and realizing you were never meant to carry it all alone.
That doesn’t mean everyone needs to know everything. It means finding safe people who can listen without judgment and walk alongside you.
Maybe that person is a trusted friend, a counselor, a pastor, a family member, or someone in a small group. You don’t have to tell your whole story all at once. Trust can be built slowly, and healing can happen one honest conversation at a time.
If you’ve been hurt by people before, it’s okay to move carefully. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean ignoring wisdom or boundaries. It means allowing God to lead you toward safe relationships where you can begin to experience what it feels like to be known and supported.
Healing Doesn’t Mean Pretending It Never Happened
I also want to remind you that healing doesn’t mean pretending your pain didn’t happen.
We don’t have to minimize what we’ve experienced to move forward. Some wounds leave scars. Some losses will always matter. Some experiences change us.
Healing doesn’t erase the past. It can change the way the past holds us.
We can find hope without denying what hurt. We can move forward without pretending everything is fine. We can acknowledge our stories while still believing that those stories are not finished.
And perhaps most importantly, we can stop believing that we have to carry those stories alone.
You Are Seen, Known, and Not Alone
Friend, if you’ve been wearing a mask because you’re afraid of what might happen if people see what’s underneath, I want to encourage you to take one small step toward honesty.
Maybe that step is talking to God.
Maybe it’s reaching out to a trusted friend.
Maybe it’s asking for help.
Maybe it’s joining a safe community where you can begin to let yourself be known.
You don’t have to tell everyone everything.
But you don’t have to tell no one anything, either.
There is freedom in being known. There is comfort in realizing someone else understands. And there is healing that can begin when we stop pretending we are okay and allow ourselves to acknowledge what is really happening in our hearts.
So this month, I invite you to be honest with the Lord about the hurts, heartaches, or worries you feel you’re carrying alone. You don’t have to tidy them up before bringing them to Him. He already knows, and He is not scared away by your pain.
Then ask Him to show you a safe person or community you can begin to connect with as we do life together.
Sometimes healing begins with the simple relief of being known and realizing you were never meant to carry it all alone.
